dumb c0unsel0r

Well, you would think that at a science and engineering camp, you would find no dumb people. If you did think that, you were wrong. They are abound. Most of the dumb kids aren't worth writing about... they are young and it's still okay to make some of the mistakes that they are making. However, tonight's dumb person is none other than one of the counselors.

Don't get me wrong. This is the first summer camp that I have worked at that I like all of the counselors. I even like this individual that is being awarded the Dumb People award tonight. I just can't take it though. I have hinted that I need this person not to talk as much... but eventually, if he keeps opening his mouth and saying ridiculous things, I'm going to have to choke him.

So today at breakfast, this counselor told Tripp that he needed to shave. First of all, who the hell tells a grown man that he needs to shave? I mean, we men can have things called beards and mustaches... and even if we don't want to have a full grown beard, a little stubble never hurt anyone... George Clooney rocks it and the ladies can't get enough of him. Anyway, at this, Tripp says some comment... it's not really important because it wasn't stupid. All you have to know is that it was a meaningless and humorous put down to stop the dumb counselor from making his stupid statements. At this, the dumb counselor goes, "I'm gonna have you taken off the camp roster." All of us sitting at the breakfast table just kinda looked around to see if anyone else understood what that meant. We didn't so we just let it pass. Tripp made another comment... I think it was something along the lines of "Whatever" or "Yeah right." Then, the Dumb People award winning statement: "Death Valley is called Death Valley for a reason." All of us stopped eating. There was no way we could let this pass. It was the most retarded statement ever. It sounded like something that would have been screenprinted onto an orange t-shirt and sold at the Tiger Sports Shop for too much money.

I'm tellin' ya... There isn't much more I can take. I am eventully going to tell him that his statements make me want to run over a camper with the university SUV... and we can't have that...

...YOU are a Dumb Counselor.

the dumbest of them all

I knew this day would come... I just didn't realize how soon it would be. I have found the dumbest person. It will probably be a shock to most of you when I tell you who it is... but yes, this person has done somehing OUTRAGEOUSLY DUMB. This person is: Hamilton Parks. Yes. ME. I am the dumbest person. Lemme tell you what I did.

So, I was checking my e-mail today, for like the 4th time, hoping that someone would send me something exciting. Well, I get the e-mail whose subject is CLASS SCHEDULE. I knew that my 1st summer session class was at 8 am M-F, so I thought that I really didn't need to check it. But I did. I am glad that I actually did. It told me when classes started. My summer class started yesterday. Yes. The exact words of the e-mail were:

Key Date Reminders:
Tuesday, May 18 was the first day of class.

I felt as dumb as Smith Hall Banshee, Ty and Sean-Michael, Jason F., and Blue. I had missed the first 2 days of class... I didn't even get the enjoyment of knowing that I skipped! And I most certainly didn't do anything fun with my time out of class. I am a loser.

::sigh::

I have to go into class tomorrow at 8 am (after leaving from Greenville at 7) and walk into that class and face the 20 people who will be thinking, "That dude hasn't been here for two days! I bet he didn't know what day classes started. What a dumb ass!" But I will hold my head up as I walk into that room... because I know someone in there has GOT to be dumber than me... whether they came to class the day it started or not.

Hamilton Parks... YOU are a Dumb Person.

dumb d0g

This morning, I woke up to stupidity. And it was sad too. I mean, I fall asleep to Nick at Nite and wake up to Nick Jr.--something I used to do during the school year quite often. So, I woke up and immediately heard the theme song to Blue's Clues. I just had to sit up, sing along, and head bang to the rock out part... I LOVE the theme song... My friends hate it.

Anyway, I sit up and tune into the show and I am immediately disappointed. It turns out that it was Joe's birthday. Joe is the host of the show and Blue's owner (Blue is the dog in case you are a Dumb Person and never knew that). So, Mailbox comes pops in through the window and tells Joe that he is needed outside... this is so the rest of the talking inanimate objects in the house can plan Joe's surprise party. So, Joe is out of the house and Mr. Salt is talking about all the stuff they need to do. I am thinking, "Gee, what a great change! We won't have to play Blue's Clues today since we are just gonna get ready for Joe's party." Boy was I wrong. So, Tickety-Tock goes over all the things that need to be done, and then Blue speaks up.

::sigh::

I was like, "Uh oh..." Blue, in her strange bark-like language tells Tickety-Tock that there is something else that needs to be done. I just sat there praying that this dumb dog would give the clues game a break just for this one day. But no. Tickety asks, "What else do we need to do to get ready for Joe's surprise party?" And that stupid dog runs up to the screen and places that ridiculously dumb paw print on it. I was terribly disappointed. All those household appliances wanted to do was throw a party for the tragic (but ever so kind) young man that lived in the house and carried on conversations with them. And this stupid dog couldn't take 30 minutes to stop playing games and work for a little bit? All she wants to do is play games... I was so frustrated.

I was even more upset when I found out that all they needed to do was wrap Joe's birthday present.

Blue... YOU are a Dumb Dog.

mommy dearest

As if The Weakest Link Poop for Brains Prettyboys wasn't enough stupidity for one day, my mom comes home from work and exposes me to a little stupidity. Yes, my mother.

Well, since I have gone off to school we have gotten several new gadgets around the house. Some of them, I am not really familiar with. However, my mom has taken a fond liking to one of these gadgets. The new telephone to be exact. It has all of these features that I don't really know how to work (so I guess I am a dumb person for that), but most of the features appear to be pretty useless to me. One of which, is the speaker phone option... on the cordless receiver.

Now, I suppose that this would be useful if you had to like... go into a basment where there wasn't a phone, and you wanted to dig through some old boxes while you were talking to your grandmother who was asking you to look for something she lost down there years ago. I imagine one would take the cordless phone down to the basement with them, set it on a table or something, and proceed to rummage through boxes while you listen to Granny describe her pink polka dotted garter. Yes... that is legit.

But my mom walks around the house with the cordless phone up to her ear... WITH the speaker option on, so everyone in the house can hear the conversation she is having. Let me restate that. SHE HOLDS THE PHONE UP TO HER EAR LIKE A PERSON WOULD NORMALLY USE THE PHONE, BUT SHE TALKS WITH THE SPEAKER OPTION ON, SO EVERYTHING THE PERSON ON THE OTHER LINE IS SAYING CAN BE HEARD BY EVERYONE WITHIN EARSHOT OF MY MOM. FAILURE.

My mother... is a Dumb Person.

NOTE: I did bring to my mother's attention the absurdity of her actions. Her response was, "I like it this way." There is no sympathy for those who simply wish to wallow in their stupidity.

all looks and no brains make you a dumb pers0n

So, it was 4:00 pm, and much to my surprise, I hadn't really seen too many dumb people on GSN. But at 4:00, The Weakest Link came on. Yes. I knew I would be sure to see dumb people at their finest on this show. As I turned on the TV, lo and behold, my dear red-headed English diva, Anne Robinson, was saying that it was the special "Male Models Episode." I knew that these were gonna be some stupid studs. However, I didn't realize HOW dumb they were going to be.

The dumbest of them all was this guy named Jason F. I can't remember his last name, but since there were 2 Jasons, both of them used the first initial of their last names. The other Jason was Jason O. (Jason Olive). He was dumb too, but not quite as dumb as Jason F. I'll get to him in a minute.

OH! And before I tell you about Jason F's ridiculous answers, I have to tell you that the famous Tyson Beckford gave his answers in the form of questions. Yeah, Tyson... 'Cause Anne Robinson looks A LOT like Alex Trebek. As Katie Reaves would say, "Can I have 'What the Fuck?' for 1,000, Alex?"

Anyway, Jason F. The first question that he bombed was "What is 16-15?" Jason F's answer was 473,000. No kidding. FAILURE. Then there was "What does the nickname for the Republican Party, GOP, stand for?" Jason F. said "floozies." FAILURE. Then there was "Which country in Asia is the largest and home to the Ural Mountains?" Now, I know that the geography of the Ural Mountains isn't really common knowledge, but EVERYONE should know that Russia is the largest country in Asia AS WELL AS THE WORLD. Jason F. said China. FAILURE. The question that got Jason F. kicked out of the game was "In the song, who 'rowed the boat ashore?'" Jason F's Dumb Person award winning answer was: Tom. FAILURE.

As for Jason O., he ended up winning the game. But he didn't do this without giving a dumb answer. Anne asked "What is the name of our galaxy?" Jason O's ridiculous answer: Pluto.

In the words of diva, Anne Robinson:
"Jason F., you are The Weakest Link--Goodbye."

ty and sean-michael

I knew this was going to happen. I knew that I would find TONS and TONS of dumb people on TV. Especially on my favorite television network, GSN. Well, let me tell you about Ty and Sean-Michael. These two bring new meaning to the term "dumb jocks."

Ty (a personal trainer and former pro football player) and his roommate Sean-Michael (a fire jumper) were on Lingo playing against these these girls Toni (a writer) and Sharon (a hairdresser and poet). I knew it was gonna be ugly right off because Toni and Sharon obviously had to work with words a lot due to their professions. Well, in Lingo, the two teams must create 5-letter words when given only the first letter of the word. The have 5 chances per word to do so. If they don't get the word, misspell a word, choose a word with less than or more than 5 letters, or make up a word, then the other team gets to try.

Ty started the game out. When given the letter W, he said wood... or so I thought. I figured, well, that is only a 4 letter word, so that's not right. Well, that is the word that came out of his mouth, but when he spelled it, he said "w-o-l-d." I imagine he was trying to spell would, but he misspelled it and not only misspelled it, but turned it into a 4 letter word. FAILURE. Well, the girls got a chance to spell and this started their control of the game. They racked up the first half of the game... When Ty and Sean-Michael finally got another chance, the benefit of the doubt that I had given them for that whole "wold" episode was out the window. They started spelling 6-letter words... They said "simple" and "always." Um, earth to Ty and Sean-Michael... 5-LETTER WORDS, PLEASE... THERE IS A GRID IN FRONT OF YOU WITH SPACES FOR 5 LETTERS. Anyway, this wasn't the worst part. Then Ty, who I attribute most of the couple's problems to, started making up words. The man said "fishs." Yes... you could tell that he had learned from his past 6-letter mistakes and was trying to squeeze the word fishes into the 5 block grid up on the screen in front of him. I don't think he really felt dumb until he had to spell it: "f-i-s-h-s." FAILURE. But then comes the Dumb People award winning action. Sean-Michael, who was by this point more than likely weighing his options about moving out of the apartment away from his idiot of a roommate, spelled the word freed when he was given the letter F. Unfortunately, he wasn't right. Well, Ty, in all of his stupidity, gave it a shot and said a word that sounded phonetically the same... but he spelled it "f-r-e-a-d." Needless to say, Toni and Sharon won the game, 350-50. The 50 points that Ty and Sean-Michael got were won by the smarter of the two dummies, Sean-Michael.

Too Stupid To Spell Ty... YOU are a Dumb Person.
Roommate Sean-Michael... You can save yourself from being a full fledged dumb person by moving away from your roommate WITH THE QUICKNESS!

katie reaves is mean too

After entry number one, I am pleased to find that people don't find my disappointment in losers to be a mean characteristic. Quite frankly, a lot of people agree with me. I'm just the only one bored enough to write about these careless individuals that only use about 50% of their IQs.

Katie Reaves... she's DEFINITELY not a dumb person (by the way, names of dumb people that I know personally will be changed in order to allow them to save a little bit of face). She worked with me as an RA in the Lowrises in the fall. Katie is definitely a SMART person... she got the hell up outta there before spring. But, she left me and went to Belgium (boo). Anyway, the comment that she left me about last night's entry was one of those things that I just had to "laugh out loud" about. Here's the story...

In Barnett Hall, a building that houses 3 national sororities, is the control desk for Mauldin Hall (a male dorm) and Smith Hall (another sorority dorm). All three of these buildings made up The Lowrises. Katie was an RA on the Theta floor in Barnett, I an RA on the 3rd floor in Mauldin. Being RAs, we had to work shifts at the control desk in Barnett. Barnett, along with Mauldin and Smith were locked 24 hours a day and the only way to get into the building was to be a resident of the building and use your card to get in. Well, since Barnett was where housing information and spare keys for all 3 buildings were located, sometimes Mauldin and Smith residents needed into the building. Usually, Mauldin guys were pretty cool about not being able to get in... They were mostly freshman and they didn't want to make a scene about not getting into the building with all the sorority hotties in close vicinity. The Smith girls on the other hand were not so tactful. It is my belief that the girls in these 3 sororities thought themselves better than the girls that lived in Barnett (this was a common belief among all the Mauldin RAs). These girls would make chaos trying to get into the building. As desk assistants, we weren't really allowed to open the door for them, but it's VERY hard to ignore an angry sorority girl when she is knocking on a HUGE paneless window that takes up the whole wall.

Well, Katie was working the desk one day, when a girl comes up to the door. Probably doing some homework or reading one of the trashy guilty pleasure tabloids that sat at the desk, she wasn't really paying attention to who was coming in and out of the building. The sound of the card access machine was making its normal sound... the beep when the card is swiped in front of it... but there was no click for the door to open. Once again, a few more swipes of the card, and a few more beeps... but the door never opened. Seeing how it was not Katie's responsibility to let people into the building, she just sat there... until this young lady starts bangin' on the window. "My card doesn't work," she starts fussing. There were plenty of times when cards didn't work for residents. While frustrating for us the desk workers, we had to be sympathetic and let them in, but tell them the proper course of action for getting their card fixed. Katie looks at her in the window and watches the girl sit there and create a scene. "Let me in! My card doesn't work!" So Katie goes to the door to let the banshee in. As she opens the door she says, "Your card doesn't work?" The girl stands there with that Smith Hall girl look on her face and goes, "No." Then Katie gives her spill: "The you need to go to the Tiger 1 office and get them to look at it or get a new card." Then the girl says the Dumb People award winning statement... not in the stuck up snotty Smith Hall girl voice, but the confused and DUMBfounded I did sexual favors for someone in admissions to get into Clemson voice... "Oh. I don't live here."

Smith Hall Banshee... YOU are a Dumb Person.

i'm a mean person

Welcome to entry number 1 for "Dumb People." Yesterday while at dinner with my family, I realized that I have an EXTREMELY low tolerance for dumb people. Now, when I mean dumb people, don't get me wrong... I'm not talking about those individuals who were labeled "exceptional children" in school... and I'm not talking about people who just don't know any better. But I'm talkin' about stupid ass people who have TONS of potential that just don't try. I mean, the kind of people that go to college and major in education and don't get degrees in less than 6 years. I mean, that is just ignorant. I found my dad calling me out yesterday saying things like, "Hamilton, that's not nice," and "Don't say that." Well, you know what? I'm sorry if I am that mean a person, but I think if you can't get a degree in an easy major (the term "easy major" is disputable), then you really shouldn't even try... and I don't feel bad if no one hires you...

But let me stop. This blog is not going to be just about people who fail in college. College is hard. I am going into my senior year as an Elementary Education major. I know that this will be the hardest year of all for me, but I am goal oriented... which is an aspect that a dumb person doesn't have. Lots of dummies don't have goals. It's quite sad, but I can't waste too much time worrying about them because they are obviously okay in the dumb state they are in...

Anyway, in writing this, I don't BY ANY MEANS think that I am perfect. My parents could probably write a HUGE blog about all the dumb things that I do... which actually makes the people I will talk about in here seem even worse... If a dummy like me thinks that someone is a dumb person, then they obviously deserve their F and the title of "a dumb person."