betsy gets h0micidal

Betsy is not the dumb pers0n... it is merely the individual she had to come into contact with today. I don't know all the details, but from the looks of this IM conversation we had, the girl is dumb AND mean... "but so sweet"???

EVAH 918: i need you
EVAH 918: we need to go to the 4th floor of stadium suits
EVAH 918: and get the red radio flyer wagon
EVAH 918: and you need to push me down the hall
AwwBadLlama: lol
EVAH 918: before i kill one of my group members
EVAH 918: for real
EVAH 918: i need you
EVAH 918: tomorrow
EVAH 918: we shall do it
AwwBadLlama: like for real?
AwwBadLlama: lol
EVAH 918: for real
EVAH 918: i don’t care if i don't live there
EVAH 918: let people think i'm stupid
EVAH 918: who the hell cares
AwwBadLlama: thats awesome
AwwBadLlama: im all for it
EVAH 918: in 10 years will it matter if people think i'm stupid? no. but in ten years will it matter if i kill somoene? yes
EVAH 918: hahahaha
AwwBadLlama: although, im done with exams tomorrow
EVAH 918: hmmm.. well, it'd be fun for you
EVAH 918: tomorrow by the time we do this, i'll be done with this horrible group project
EVAH 918: but it'd still be entertaining
EVAH 918: i told someone the story about the fire drill the other day
EVAH 918: when you were so late coming out
EVAH 918: poor ham
AwwBadLlama: lol
AwwBadLlama: i had to wake todd up
AwwBadLlama: lol
EVAH 918: haha.. jennie had to wake me up
EVAH 918: OH! i told jake
EVAH 918: because it was like 2 in the morning and he was cooking and set our alarm off in the apartment. i thought we had to evacuate. i was so tired
AwwBadLlama: LOL
EVAH 918: so i came out of my room putting my shoes on and he just looked at me lik e i was nuts
EVAH 918: then i just turned around, and went back to sleep
AwwBadLlama: hehe
EVAH 918: and the next day i told him that story
AwwBadLlama: oh man... i think im goin’ to bed
AwwBadLlama: dont kill anyone, please betsy
AwwBadLlama: it wouldn’t be good for your image
EVAH 918: alright i won’t
EVAH 918: but i may have to have you write about her in dumb people
EVAH 918: well, one girl’s a bitch
AwwBadLlama: LOLOLOL
EVAH 918: do you have a journal for bitchy people?
AwwBadLlama: wow
AwwBadLlama: they go in dumb pe0ple as well
EVAH 918: the other girl in our group, bless her heart, is stupid
EVAH 918: she's just stupid
AwwBadLlama: HEHEHE
EVAH 918: plain out, how the hell did she get into clemson? all she does in group meetings is stare and smile stupid
EVAH 918: but so sweet
EVAH 918: and then the other girl, she can be in a good journal
AwwBadLlama: HAHAHA
AwwBadLlama: you have me for real laughing out loud
EVAH 918: that's what i'm here for hamilton
EVAH 918: any background info that you need to write your jounral--i will give it to you
EVAH 918: this girl wrote the most God awful e-mail to one of our group members (the good, normal one)
EVAH 918: she's a bitch hamilton
EVAH 918: i was sooo mad today
EVAH 918: like.. more mad than i was at [CENSORED] sophomore year
AwwBadLlama: wow
EVAH 918: this girl is a psycho bitch
EVAH 918: but
EVAH 918: sweet dreams dear hamilton
AwwBadLlama: night, betsy
EVAH 918: goodnight

Did I mention that Betsy is a cute, bubbly, 5'3" happy tuba player? Yes. She wants to kill a dumb "psycho bitch."

the sch00l district 0f david's sch00l

You remember David? The party boy camper that was sure that UNC was the coolest school in the ACC? Yeah, that fool... j/k He is a really intelligent 11th grader in Raleigh, NC. Every once in a while I talk to him online... you know, just to check up on him and see if he is still as dumb as he was this summer... LOL... seriously, just kidding... Martha Entirely...

Anyway, last night, he told me about his dumb school district. I asked him when they get out of school for the winter holidays, and he replied December 22nd. ISN'T THAT RIDICULOUS?! I don't ever remember getting out any later than December 20th when I was in school. I mean, those 2 days mean a lot. It would actually work out very well on the calendar if they got out on Friday the 17th. Then they would be able to complete the week and have the next week completely off. No. They have to go and be educational douche bags instead.

Well, then I asked him when they return to school from their break. THOSE HEFFERS... they are making the kids get back into the grind of things on January 3rd. They get a measly week and a half off from school. I am so upset. I really wish there was something I could do about it. I told David he should assemble a schoolwide protest. They should show up on the front lawn of the school on January 3rd and not go inside... just stay out on the lawn... bring some blankets... grills... start campfires... get the chorus kids to strike up a rousing rendition of Kumbayah... it would be great...

It wouldn't be as dumb as their schedule is right now. David, seriously... talk to your school board representative about that mess...

sm0king p0t is very bad...

This dumb pe0ple entry is only going to be understood completely by Clemson students. However, intelligent readers will understand the stupidity of our subject today...

First of all, at Clemson, Fike is the place where students go to work out. Ironically enough, it is really The Swann Fitness Center at Fike Field House... so Fike is only the name of the building. Swann is the name of the facility. When we say we are going to go work out, we don't say that we are going to Swann, we say we are going to Fike:

Sample AIM Away Messages:

Fike.
Fiking it.
Working out at Fike.
Lifting at Fike.
Running at Fike.
Swimming at Fike.
Raquetball at Fike.
Basketball at Fike.
Rock climbing at Fike.

You get the picture.

We DO NOT say that we are doing any of those things at SIKES. Sikes is the administration building. The only reason people go to Sikes is to take care of monetary or academic issues. I have never been in there for recreational purposes... Besides how stuffy the people are that work in there are, it doesn't smell very good.

Well, even though any normal human being would understand that Fike has its purpose and Sikes has its, a pothead would get it mixed up. I'm not going to name names, since pot is first of all an illegal substance and I don't really know this dude at all, but this Einstein really f-ed up.

A friend of mine planned to run from her apartment to FIKE to WORK OUT for a while. She told her pothead classmate this so he could plan on picking her up there at FIKE so they could both return to her apartment and study for exams. Well, as much as the pothead probably needed to study, he didn't make it back to her apartment... because he thought she said she was going to go work out at SIKES. Yes, dumb pe0ple readers... he waited outside of SIKES for the over-zealous, Sinead O'Connor-like, best body in the Golden Corner excercise guru to get done WORKING OUT.

I know that FIKE and SIKES sound a lot alike, but the context of the conversation should have helped our reefer-smoking friend out. I'm sorry, but that is just dumb... just like smoking pot is... and it's illegal... don't do it.

vixxxen

"Dasher, and Dancer, and Prancer, and..." Vixxxen.

I know what you are wondering? It's probably one of two things...

1. Vixen is spelled with 3 Xs?
2. Was one of Santa's 8 tiny reindeer a porn star?
3. Why is this the second dumb pe0ple entry in a row, when Hamilton hasn't really kept this thing up since the summer?

Well, I can answer all three of these questions with one response: Last night I went to TD's for karaoke and saw tons of tragic people--one of them was not a pornographic reindeer, but a hideous married woman named Vixen. My friends and I decided we would spell her name with 3 Xs due to her scandalousness. LOL.

Lindsey (an absolutely FABULOUS sister of my sister sorority, Gamma Sigma Sigma) pointed out a tall, lanky, stark white, prostitute looking female sitting in booth 1 last night. Lindsey told us that the lady was married. I don't really even know why I am calling her a lady. LADIES don't act in the way that she did... and she can't be older than 25.

Anyway, the Gamma Sig girls in attendance bet me to go over and hit on her. So I did. This is how it went.

Ham: Hi, what's your name?
Vixxxen: Vixxxen.
Ham: Oooh. That's a very interesting name.
Vixxxen: Well that's my stage name. (When she said this, I thought maybe she was a drag queen)
Ham: What kind of "performances" do you do?
Vixxxen: Well, I come here to TD's and do karaoke.
Ham: Oh, wow! What do you sing?
Vixxxen: Alanis Morrisette, Fiona Apple...
Ham: Will you sing me a song tonight?
Vixxxen: (She said this bearing a huge crooked-tooth grin) What do you want me to sing?
Ham: Anything by Christina Aguilera. She's hot.
Vixxxen: Sometimes I sing "Genie in a Bottle."
Ham: Yeah, do that. That would make me so happy, 'cause you are the hottest girl in this bar tonight.
Vixxxen: (The smile got bigger... ::gag::) Okay.
Ham: Good to meet you. Have fun tonight.

And that was it... OR WAS IT?!

Well, dp readers, she sang that song... and she sang it RIGHT TO ME (BADLY)! THIS WOMAN IS MARRIED... and yes, I saw her wedding ring. God bless her husband... 'cause not only is he married to a... WOOF... but the girl is flirting with other guys! Like school on Saturdays... no class.

Anyway, when my friends were doing karaoke, I went up to the front where Vixxxen was. She started grinding up on me. Wow. Just a sex pot... that's all she was...

...a highly unattractive, cheatin, DUMB, sex pot.